Century 21 SignYou know that one neighbor you have that you just wish that you didn’t have? Everyone’s got one.

Our’s lives across the street. Luckly, not directly across the street from our house, but around the corner and across the street from our extra lot. Their house faces the side of our house.

Why don’t we like them?

Well, they’re loud — for one. They throw trash in our yard. I happen to know that Miller is their beer of choice based on the broken bottles and Marlboro is their chosen brand of cigarette. They also like to park their car along our curbline — sometimes even up on the lawn.

In the Fall, they’ll even blow their leaves across the street and pile them up on our curbline — and then park on top of them so as to “hide” them or something. Yeah, thanks…

(They don’t have a dog, but I also like to blame them for all of the dog poop in my yard too… I know, that’s not fair, but if I have to blame someone, I’m going to blame them…)

Their teenage children like to skateboard late at night (this is worse than a bouncing basketball — trust me).

At least one of them plays guitar. (I like Megadeth too, but c’mon, learn a new song… Or turn the volume down… Please?)

Full band practice takes place at their house too. Again, I like a jam session as much as the next guy, but they only play maybe 4 bars of any given song before moving to something else. It’s just noise.

And a few years ago, they used to ride around on those mini-motorcycles that are even louder than a real motorcycle. At 3:00 am. Loved that.




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Thinking about it, I can’t really even tell how many children they have. I can’t figure it out. By now, their kids should have graduated from high school (they’ve been driving since I moved in), but they never seem to leave. Kids are always coming and going (and parking in our lawn, congregating in groups deeper into our lawn, and then dropping their Taco Bell bags before heading out). They seldom forget to empty their car ashtrays before leaving either…

They’re also the type of household that has a 80’s Camaro up on blocks in the front yard. They claim to be restoring it, but it’s been disintigrating into the lawn since I moved in 6 years ago. I’m not sure there’s anything left to restore.

I’d love to report them and get a blight citation thrown their way (unregistered vehicles are supposed to be out of site with-in the city limits), but the kids have had so many run-ins with the police over the years that the family is pretty chummy with the authorities. And then they’d tell ’em that I was the one who reported them. And the next morning I’d find my car keyed and mailbox smashed. Love how that happens.

It’s this great realtionship they have with the police that allows them to get away with late night parties as well… On weeknights.

I gave up hope of “outlasting” them in the neighborhood long ago. While we’ve been here for 6 years now, we’re still considered “new”.

They’ve been there forever.

They’re townies. Lifers. You know, the type of people that pave their front lawn but still don’t actually park a car there? Or the type that converts a front porch into a bedroom? Yeah, they’re guilty of both… Call ’em what you want…

But Monday morning my wife noticed something on the way to work in the little bit of grass still remaining in their front yard… a brown and yellow Century 21 sign!

Oh yeah!

Now I just need to pray and hope that the housing market is strong enough and that a mortgage is available to any potential buyers… I also have to hope that whoever does decide to move in turns out to be better than the current owners…

Anyone out there with a touch of class in the market looking to overpay for a 3 bedroom cape with an asphalt front yard covered with broken glass and cigarette butts?

Please?

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