Over-the-counter Primatene Mist is the official inhaler of Pants in a CanFirst, the good news… Countrywide has updated my homeowners insurance carrier, correctly, and paid the premium.

To semi-regular readers, that’s old news

Now, the bad news…

I received a letter in the mail over the weekend from an insurance inspection company. (insert threateningly scary fanfare here)

My wife tells me not to worry about it but I’m having a lot of trouble putting it to the back of my mind.

I’m really susceptible to anxiety attacks — basically I stop breathing.

Not entirely, but I essentially bring on an asthma attack (like a stereotypical four-eyed nerd) and, on occasion, I’ll even break out an inhaler.

Yeah, it’s extra dorky and not something I’m proud of.

Most of my anxiety stems from things that I have no control over.

Scratch that.

It comes from things that I have little control over — thankfully not things like a huge decline in the stock market, rather stuff like the possibility of, well, losing my job or having my homeowners policy cancelled (again) which is why this letter is such bad news.

On the bright side, in comparison to my previous carrier, the FAIR Plan, the letter clearly indicates that it will not be an intrusive inspection.

In fact, it even states that I don’t even have to be present…

How about that?

That’s a HUGE improvement over past inspections where they’ve come in and essentially banged on every one of my walls to see if they could damage them or something…

One year, the inspector they sent out had to be pushing 400 lbs and he stomped up and down my basement steps not once, but twice. I was a little worried and, frankly, upset because it seemed to be a little excessive.

No, my house wasn’t built for 400-pound men — and being that I’m not even half that, I never expected to be.

If anything, he should be the one who can’t find insurance…

Okay, I’m getting off-topic…

Really, he was physically trying to break my house.

Every Geological Engineering Major has one!Further, while inspecting the exterior of the house, he pointed out some crumbling mortar in the brick foundation and then struck the brickwork with his geologist hammer, knocking the face of the brick off.

In shock, unsure of what to do, I said nothing, but seriously, he just struck my house with a pointy hammer.

What the hell is up with that?

Anyway, this one shouldn’t be anything like that but the way this one works, well, I’ve no idea when it will happen or how it turns out. If it happens to be raining the day they come out, they probably won’t even get out of the car…

I just have to sit and wait, then pray, that I don’t get a follow-up letter from the inspection company or the insurance company delivering any bad news.

Based on past experience, if I make it to January without anything, it will be smooth sailing from here on out and I’ll be able to take a deep breath…

And really, I’m trying to tell myself that I’ve got nothing to worry about.

New roof, new siding, new foundation… but who knows, maybe they’ll freak out about a crack in my driveway or a sinkhole in the yard…

Really, what if?

It’s those unlikely “ifs” that are driving me crazy…

Where’s that inhaler?