Looking at Things Realistically, err, Like the Jones’

So, needless to say, I have big plans. Big expensive plans.

I want a new garage, a new kitchen, a couple new bathrooms, a new yard, a hockey rink, and a new car — not necessarily in that order.

I can’t afford anything on that list, though.

But I’m not going to let that stop me because, well, then I’ll likely never get any of them accomplished.

Thinking more short term, I think the car purchase will come first.

Now, as I’ve said, I can’t afford to go out an spend $20k+ on a car but the reality is that we need a car and, well, that’s how much cars (read: Used MiniVans) cost.

Everyone else is doing it, why not me?

I can swallow my pride, finance much of the cost, and have car payments like “everyone else”. I don’t want to, but I can.

And that got me thinking, “Wow, it’s been nearly a decade since I last financed a car.”

But you know what?

It was easy.

Easy to get *and* easy to pay for. And, at the time, I was routinely carrying $20k worth of credit card debt on top of everything else.

And I made it work so, realistically, I have nothing to be afraid of now.

I’ll just have a car payment like “everyone else”.

Posted on April 27th, 2013 at 6:02 am by Brainy Smurf
Finance, Life | 1 Comment »

Vicarious Days Ahead

So we’re counting down the days now until my first born turns 4.

(the second born actually turns 2…tomorrow!)

Crazy — right?

For those who’ve been reading the content on this silly website over the years, his “birth posting” probably doesn’t feel like that long ago. Sorry to tell you, it is.

Anyway, what’s the big deal with turning 4?

Organized hockey.

Yep, when he turns 4, he’ll be old enough to sign on with a USA Hockey sanctioned hockey team. He’s excited. And it’s safe to say that I’m excited too.

Very excited.

The downside is that he turns four just as the weather is, well, let’s just say it’s not traditional ice hockey weather.

Sure, with a little effort, elite level teenagers might be able to find a tournament only team to skate with in June, July, and August but a four-year old?

No such luck. Especially in the United States.

But that won’t deter us. We’ll work on his stick handling and hockey sense more this summer (as well as with the soon-to-be two years old brother who I’ll predict right now will be the better player eventually) to give him a HUGE advantage over other kids his age.

That said, I think he’s already light years ahead of most in his age group, skill-wise, anyway, and that’s not just because I taught him everything he knows.

I’m realistic enough to know that he’s likely not the next Wayne Gretzky.

He’ll be a darn fine Mite. He might even be a good Squirt before the other kids start catching up…

(Youth hockey levels have the silliest of names…)

But the key thing we need to work on is his skating.

He can be the best stick handler in the world or even have the hardest slap shot but it won’t mean anything if he can’t skate…and, as of right now, there are definitely kids in his age group, though a very select few, that are much further along.

He’s been on skates now for almost and entire year.

There have been really promising ups… and some discouraging downs along the way.

One week I think he finally has it and then, the next, it’s like he’s lost all ability to balance himself on strips of metal 3mm wide…on ice.

He’s three.

I get it.

I’m not going to push him like a crazy honey boo-boo type of parent but I’m certainly going to encourage “hockey” every chance that I get.

So far, my enthusiasm is met and both kids take direction really, really well. I’m ecstatic.

The plan is to be on the ice at least once a week from April through September — with a slight chance of a “real” learn to skate class worked in as well.

Most hockey programs require a learn-to-skate class (within their program) prior to joining a team, especially with such a young player, but I’m hoping to bypass that entirely.

He can skate in circles or around cones all he wants with me during a public skate. What I can’t offer is a real hockey environment in full equipment.

He wants to be a “hockey guy”, not take lessons.

I took a learn to skate class as a kid. For me, it felt more like an introduction to figure skating… and that’s not really what I wanted or needed at the onset.

Don’t get me wrong, while I’m not real keen on ever seeing my boys in tight sequin shirts, figure skating is awesome too. The speed a figure skater can generate in two strokes, going backwards, is truly amazing.

It’s no wonder than NHL teams usually have a figure skater on staff (usually female too) continually showing the multi-millionaires how to skate properly to improve their game.

Most figure skaters could skate circles around any professional hockey player. While twirling.

Anyway, for me, while I was a bit older than three at the time, what I needed most was… ice time.

Observation, which my kids get plenty of, and ice-time to mimic the movements.

Ice-time is clutch.

A 45-minute session with a world class figure skater once per week, while definitely valuable, isn’t what I think would be best for a little kid just getting started.

Two practices a week and cross-ice games on Saturday and Sunday — in addition to a public skate with the family — would make skating like second nature in short order.

That’s what jumping right on to a team will offer.

Are five days a week on the ice too much for a four year old?

My head says yes — perhaps even too much of a time commitment for me.

But my kids want to “play” hockey in the kitchen pretty much all the time so… maybe it’s not too much.

And, as a bonus, my kitchen floor will be spared some abuse.

Posted on March 30th, 2013 at 1:29 pm by Brainy Smurf
Life, Smurfling, Sports | 1 Comment »

A New Car!?

MiniVanOkay, okay, okay…

We didn’t get a new car. As of today, we still have four cars… soon to be three, though.

The Toyota Tacoma has been driven maybe five times in the past six months so we’re passing it on to a member of the family who’ll actually get some good use out of it.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s been great having a pick-up truck in our fleet. Being able to pick up furniture and appliances on our own schedule is really really convenient.

And dump runs? Well, we’ve put some pretty horrid things in the bed of that truck that I’d never ever never consider putting inside one of our other cars. Those days are now over.

In the end, we won’t have an extra car clogging up the driveway and we’ll save a few bucks on insurance and property taxes. All-in-all, giving the truck away is a good thing.

So that leaves us with the Land Rover Discovery, the Scion xA, and the super impractical BMW Z3.

Two drivers and three cars.

Yep, still stupid.

And now we want to get a new car. Notice that I said “new” car instead of “another” car.

See? We’re getting smarter…

So the plan is to trade in either the Land Rover or the Scion but it’s a pretty tough decision…

The Land Rover is older… but has fewer miles on it.

And the Land Rover is bigger than the Scion… but only takes premium gas and with a V8, well, it drinks a lot.

Basically, the cars kinda cancel one another out.

Scion’s positives, as if I didn’t already make it clear, are that it’s newer, runs better, it’s fuel efficient, it has cool neon mood lighting in the interior, and we’ve been the sole owner. It’s also a “Limited Edition Release Series 2.0″ — whatever that means…

The Scion’s negative is that it’s really small. We can get all four of us in it, comfortably, but that’s it.

The Land Rover’s positive, besides being a car that I’ve always wanted to own, are that it’s big and it has really low mileage for being nearly a decade old… That, and it still sorta feels “new” since we’ve only had it for a couple of years now…

The biggest downside is that it’s a four-wheel drive V8 that takes premium gas only. That means it costs me between $85-$100 to fill up every 10 days or so.

It also feels like it’s been pretty costly on the maintenance side of things, though some of that was due to those accidents that were 100% not my fault. What can I say, big cars get hit more often, I guess…

That said, I feel “safer” in the Land Rover than I do in the Scion. Had that most recent fender bender been in the Scion, well, first off, it would have been totaled but secondly, I think I’d have “felt” it.

Instead, I broke a rear fender light (that cost me like $90 to fix) and an Impala was destroyed and undriveable…

So the plan is to trade one of them in and buy a used minivan where the kids will each get their own seating row.

We’re sizing up.

And that’s why, right now anyway, it feels like we should trade the Scion in.
Another factor is that it’ll probably be worth more as a trade-in than the Land Rover. I know that sounds crazy — they’re only one model year apart with a MSRP difference of $30k — but how many folks out there want a 10 year old gas guzzler?

So, regardless of which car we trade in, the plan is to get either a Toyota Sienna or Honda Odyssey. My wife and I both prefer the Sienna — I hate the name but can’t argue with the longevity and reliability of a Toyota (based on the Tacoma and the Scion).

Yep, we’re right back to where we were two years ago.

The tough part is that we (still) can’t really afford (or maybe we just don’t want to have to pay for) a new or used car.

Eh, maybe I’ll start looking at a Lamborghini again…

Posted on March 30th, 2013 at 9:29 am by Brainy Smurf
Life | 2 Comments »

Thoughts on Newtown…and American Society

:0(So how could the guy from Connecticut not have anything to say about what happened in Connecticut a few weeks ago?

First, I’ll say this… When something like this happens in your own backyard, well, it hits a lot closer to home.

Don’t get me wrong… When Gabby Giffords was shot, I was, well, disgusted and a little disturbed for a few hours.

Seriously, what is wrong with people?

When the Batman shooting in Colorado occurred earlier in the year, it only stayed on my mind for a few hours. Wacko in a movie theater with a gun. Yeah, I’m not that surprised. Society, meh…

But when I caught the news that an entire classroom of 6-year olds had been shot less than 20 minutes away from where I live, well, I wanted to puke.

It still gives me shivers. Anytime they flash the photos of the kids on television — and with all of the funerals being local, well, there are a lot of photos and a lot of press coverage — it’s a struggle not to cry.

I can’t help but think of my kids in daycare with classrooms of 20 or so children — who would do something like that?

Seriously?

I’ve never have even the slightest inclination to do anything like that to ants on my driveway, even. It frightens me that there are people amongst us that do have those inklings…and probably have a weapon, if not on them, at home.

I mean, I have a hard time setting mouse traps and the remorse that I feel when I “successfully” kill a mouse sometimes makes me think I’ve got a mental issue.

Clearly, I swing in the opposite direction.

But even still, I can’t help but wonder (fearfully); who wouldn’t reconsider after firing a single shot into a little kid?

That’s messed up.

Mental illness is a BS excuse.

I know it’s a tricky diagnosis. I know some people have a short fuse. I know some people can just “flip out” once in awhile.

Am I mentally ill because I get a lump in my throat when I see someone else run over a squirrel with their car? Hunters would probably say yes.

Clearly, I’m anti-gun.

Always have been, always will be.

I can be swayed on some issues but not this one.

A gun is a tool whose sole purpose is to kill.

Protection?

Yeah, go f-yourself. It’s for killing people… with zero effort.

Though I don’t own a gun, have never held a gun, and have never even heard a gun shot, I’m pretty confident that even I’m capable of pulling a trigger.

Looks pretty easy to me. And, clearly, it is too easy.

Mental illness isn’t the problem.

Access to a “tool” that my 3 year old could operate is the problem.

* * * *

Magazine ClipSeeing some of my “friends” on Facebook put up photos criticizing the media’s misuse of the words “magazine” and “clip” lately make me not want to be friends with them.

Does it matter?

In my opinion, neither should be available to the public. EVER.

They clearly think otherwise.

One guy, a close friend in high school with, I kid you not, the exact same upbringing, goes on a hunting trip each year and posts pictures from his tree fort or whatever waiting for a buck to walk by.

I give him a good ribbing about how “Ambushing Bambi” is messed up every time.

He thinks I’m kidding. Like high school pals messing around…

Tough GuyWhen he proudly posts photos of himself, his gun, and his dead deer, I get a little more direct and tell him, “That’s gross, dude” or “You suck” or “Wow, tough guy dressed like a soldier shot Bambi in the back from a football field away.”

“I need to feed my family…” is a response I’ve gotten in the past.

“Dude, you make $60k a year selling vacuum cleaners… Ever heard of a grocery store? Oh, and you’re single.”

I get a rush in the closing seconds of an eBay auction.

He gets a rush shooting things.

That’s bothersome.

Like to the point where I, frankly, don’t ever want to be in the same room with him ever again.

I dunno, it just makes me sick that people can “proudly” defend guns especially just days after something like this… that happened somewhere they’ve driven by.

Gun lovers are among the most obtuse of all individuals.

More guns solve everything… Um, okay?

The Second Amendment argument is my favorite. Ahhh, the right to bear arms.

I live in Connecticut. Our license plates say “Constitution State” right on ‘em and, as such, we’re taught a whole lot about the US Constitution.

Most 2nd Amendment defenders probably don’t even know that the “Bill of Rights” is part of the Contsitution. In fact, they probably think John Hancock signed the bottom of it…

He didn’t.

Enough US History trivia from this Connecticut educated Canadian… but here’s how the Second Amendment actually reads:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

That’s it.

Be sure to read it in your best part-pirate, part-George Washington, part-Winston Churchill accent.

Seems kinda silly and outdated, no?

It’s ludicrous that people think this means you can strap and automatic “assault” weapon to your back because the forefathers (who were apparently holy beings) said so.

Give me a break.

The second amendment should be wiped out.

Don’t give me crap that the first ten are untouchable cause, guess what, the Patriot Act of 2001 neutered most of them… but NOT number two.

Apparently it’s essential that we have access to weapons at Walmart to form our own militia to help fight terrorism.

Seriously???

The Second Amendment and the ample access to weapons of mass destruction (cause that’s what they are) in this country are the only reason regular people have the capacity to carry out an “assault” like the one that happened here in Connecticut.

Really, can it be justified that you can legally buy something called an assault rifle? And hundreds of rounds to go with it?

* * * *

Michael Moore wrote a piece for the Huffington Post that states many of my feelings more eloquently than I ever could.

Yeah, Michael Moore is that fat pig that leans far too left far too often and pretty much always crosses the line but I must confess that I agree with him 90% of the time… up to that line he crosses so effortlessly.

You could say the same about the Huffington Post too, I suppose, but give it a read before labeling it based on the source.

Celebrating the Prince of Peace in the Land of Guns

After watching the deranged, delusional National Rifle Association press conference on Friday, it was clear that the Mayan prophecy had come true. Except the only world that was ending was the NRA’s. Their bullying power to set gun policy in this country is over. The nation is repulsed by the massacre in Connecticut, and the signs are everywhere: a basketball coach at a post-game press conference; the Republican Joe Scarborough; a pawn shop owner in Florida; a gun buy-back program in New Jersey; a singing contest show on TV, and the conservative gun-owning judge who sentenced Jared Loughner.

So here’s my little bit of holiday cheer for you:

These gun massacres aren’t going to end any time soon.

I’m sorry to say this. But deep down we both know it’s true. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep pushing forward — after all, the momentum is on our side. I know all of us — including me — would love to see the president and Congress enact stronger gun laws. We need a ban on automatic AND semiautomatic weapons and magazine clips that hold more than 7 bullets. We need better background checks and more mental health services. We need to regulate the ammo, too.

But, friends, I would like to propose that while all of the above will certainly reduce gun deaths (ask Mayor Bloomberg — it is virtually impossible to buy a handgun in New York City and the result is the number of murders per year has gone from 2,200 to under 400), it won’t really bring about an end to these mass slayings and it will not address the core problem we have. Connecticut had one of the strongest gun laws in the country. That did nothing to prevent the murders of 20 small children on December 14th.

In fact, let’s be clear about Newtown: the killer had no criminal record so he would never have shown up on a background check. All of the guns he used were legally purchased. None fit the legal description of an “assault” weapon. The killer seemed to have mental problems and his mother had him seek help, but that was worthless. As for security measures, the Sandy Hook school was locked down and buttoned up BEFORE the killer showed up that morning. Drills had been held for just such an incident. A lot of good that did.

And here’s the dirty little fact none of us liberals want to discuss: The killer only ceased his slaughter when he saw that cops were swarming onto the school grounds — i.e, the men with the guns. When he saw the guns a-coming, he stopped the bloodshed and killed himself. Guns on police officers prevented another 20 or 40 or 100 deaths from happening. Guns sometimes work. (Then again, there was an armed deputy sheriff at Columbine High School the day of that massacre and he couldn’t/didn’t stop it.)

I am sorry to offer this reality check on our much-needed march toward a bunch of well-intended, necessary — but ultimately, mostly cosmetic– changes to our gun laws. The sad facts are these: Other countries that have guns (like Canada, which has 7 million guns — mostly hunting guns — in their 12 million households) have a low murder rate. Kids in Japan watch the same violent movies and kids in Australia play the same violent video games (Grand Theft Auto was created by a British company; the UK had 58 gun murders last year in a nation of 63 million people). They simply don’t kill each other at the rate that we do. Why is that? THAT is the question we should be exploring while we are banning and restricting guns: Who are we?

I’d like to try to answer that question.

We are a country whose leaders officially sanction and carry out acts of violence as a means to often an immoral end. We invade countries who didn’t attack us. We’re currently using drones in a half-dozen countries, often killing civilians.

This probably shouldn’t come as a surprise to us as we are a nation founded on genocide and built on the backs of slaves. We slaughtered 600,000 of each other in a civil war. We “tamed the Wild West with a six-shooter,” and we rape and beat and kill our women without mercy and at a staggering rate: every three hours a women is murdered in the USA (half the time by an ex or a current); every three minutes a woman is raped in the USA; and every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in the USA.

We belong to an illustrious group of nations that still have the death penalty (North Korea, Saudi Arabia, China, Iran). We think nothing of letting tens of thousands of our own citizens die each year because they are uninsured and thus don’t see a doctor until it’s too late.

Why do we do this? One theory is simply “because we can.” There is a level of arrogance in the otherwise friendly American spirit, conning ourselves into believing there’s something exceptional about us that separates us from all those “other” countries (there are indeed many good things about us; the same could also be said of Belgium, New Zealand, France, Germany, etc.). We think we’re #1 in everything when the truth is our students are 17th in science and 25th in math, and we’re 35th in life expectancy. We believe we have the greatest democracy but we have the lowest voting turnout of any western democracy. We’re biggest and the bestest at everything and we demand and take what we want.

And sometimes we have to be violent m*****f*****s to get it. But if one of us goes off-message and shows the utterly psychotic nature and brutal results of violence in a Newtown or an Aurora or a Virginia Tech, then we get all “sad” and “our hearts go out to the families” and presidents promise to take “meaningful action.” Well, maybe this president means it this time. He’d better. An angry mob of millions is not going to let this drop.

While we are discussing and demanding what to do, may I respectfully ask that we stop and take a look at what I believe are the three extenuating factors that may answer the question of why we Americans have more violence than most anyone else:

1. POVERTY. If there’s one thing that separates us from the rest of the developed world, it’s this. 50 million of our people live in poverty. One in five Americans goes hungry at some point during the year. The majority of those who aren’t poor are living from paycheck to paycheck. There’s no doubt this creates more crime. Middle class jobs prevent crime and violence. (If you don’t believe that, ask yourself this: If your neighbor has a job and is making $50,000/year, what are the chances he’s going to break into your home, shoot you and take your TV? Nil.)

2. FEAR/RACISM. We’re an awfully fearful country considering that, unlike most nations, we’ve never been invaded. (No, 1812 wasn’t an invasion. We started it.) Why on earth would we need 300 million guns in our homes? I get why the Russians might be a little spooked (over 20 million of them died in World War II). But what’s our excuse? Worried that the Indians from the casino may go on the warpath? Concerned that the Canadians seem to be amassing too many Tim Horton’s donut shops on both sides of the border?

No. It’s because too many white people are afraid of black people. Period. The vast majority of the guns in the U.S. are sold to white people who live in the suburbs or the country. When we fantasize about being mugged or home invaded, what’s the image of the perpetrator in our heads? Is it the freckled-face kid from down the street — or is it someone who is, if not black, at least poor?

I think it would be worth it to a) do our best to eradicate poverty and re-create the middle class we used to have, and b) stop promoting the image of the black man as the boogeyman out to hurt you. Calm down, white people, and put away your guns.

3. THE “ME” SOCIETY. I think it’s the every-man-for-himself ethos of this country that has put us in this mess and I believe it’s been our undoing. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! You’re not my problem! This is mine!

Clearly, we are no longer our brother’s and sister’s keeper. You get sick and can’t afford the operation? Not my problem. The bank has foreclosed on your home? Not my problem. Can’t afford to go to college? Not my problem.

And yet, it all sooner or later becomes our problem, doesn’t it? Take away too many safety nets and everyone starts to feel the impact. Do you want to live in that kind of society, one where you will then have a legitimate reason to be in fear? I don’t.

I’m not saying it’s perfect anywhere else, but I have noticed, in my travels, that other civilized countries see a national benefit to taking care of each other. Free medical care, free or low-cost college, mental health help. And I wonder — why can’t we do that? I think it’s because in many other countries people see each other not as separate and alone but rather together, on the path of life, with each person existing as an integral part of the whole. And you help them when they’re in need, not punish them because they’ve had some misfortune or bad break. I have to believe one of the reasons gun murders in other countries are so rare is because there’s less of the lone wolf mentality amongst their citizens. Most are raised with a sense of connection, if not outright solidarity. And that makes it harder to kill one another.

Well, there’s some food for thought as we head home for the holidays. Don’t forget to say hi to your conservative brother-in-law for me. Even he will tell you that, if you can’t nail a deer in three shots — and claim you need a clip of 30 rounds — you’re not a hunter my friend, and you have no business owning a gun.

Have a wonderful Christmas or a beautiful December 25th!

I’m not sure what to say.

I agree with him.

I don’t agree with him.

But regardless of which way you lean, guns kill people.

Sure, people kill people too but guns very clearly killed 20 six and seven year olds and 6 of their teachers.

Only in America.

We’re better than this.

Posted on December 31st, 2012 at 1:10 pm by Brainy Smurf
Current Events, Life | No Comments »

1985 Easter Weekend and 2012 Almost Easter Weekend

I was eight years old in 1985.

April 4th was the Thursday prior to Easter and that night Scout Pack 274, Den 7, had an after school Den Meeting.

The weather was unusally nice so the Den Mother that week, Brian Kurtz’s mom, took us all to a local recreation park that had a big, well, not really an obstacle course, but a paved trail with “exercise” activities along the way.

You know, walk a few hundred meters and come to a chin-up bar. Walk a few hundred more meters and there’d be a balance beam. It was kind of a “new” thing back then…

Anyway, I was way ahead of the pack. I mean, lets get real, even as early third grade, the typical boy scout isn’t exactly a prime specimen — a bunch of rejects and dorks, myself included — so there really wasn’t too much competition.

I remember running from station to station almost effortlessly — there were maybe ten of them over a mile long course or so — until I got to the last one.

Then, “something” happened.

Something hurt. It wasn’t an ankle or a knee or anything. It was more like a cramp. A really low cramp.

I sat, kinda hunched over, on a bench waiting for the other kids to finish…and even longer waiting for Brian’s Mom to finish and then toughed it out for the car ride home.

Once home, I refused dinner which really wasn’t that unusual.

I mean, I always ate, but when it was something gross (like anything plated with mushrooms, brussel sprouts, squash, beets, or yams), the food that entered my mouth was minimal. It was probably one of those nights — I don’t think my parents thought much of it.

The next day was Good Friday so there wasn’t school that day. My dad would have gone to work and my mom would have stayed home with me and my sister.

I don’t really remember much of the day — it was probably one of those days where I stayed in pajamas all day and just watched tv. I do know that my mom was aware that I wasn’t feeling well at this point but, again, this wasn’t terribly unusual, I was sick all the time.

When my Dad came home from work and we sat down to dinner, I didn’t eat a thing. Nothing. Again.

I remember my parents getting a little heated when I continued to refuse food thinking I was just being an overly picky eater.

After dinner I remember them trying to get me to swallow some pills — tylenol or some sort of cold medication or something — and I couldn’t do it.

They didn’t understand and I remember crying as my dad was borderline trying to force the pills down my throat but they just wouldn’t go down.

Of course, at this point, their tasty coating was long gone making them borderline impossible to swallow anyway so I was sitting in the bathroom downstairs with a glass of ginger ale trying to explain to my parents that “I was full”…

They didn’t get it.

Saturday came around and I didn’t leave my bed. I’m pretty sure it was assumed that I had the flu or something.

A good day’s rest would work wonders.

Then Easter morning came. Easter in our house wasn’t quite as exciting as Christmas, but my sister and I usually woke up at the crack of dawn to pick up jelly beans (before the our dog Spike licked them all) and scope out our Easter baskets.

I do rememeber getting out of bed. I remember harvesting some jelly beans. And I also remember opening a new engine for my N-gage train set — it was yellow.

And I’m pretty sure my parents really started to worry about was wrong with me when I showed zero interest in playing with the new train or even eating candy for breakfast.

Now, keep in mind that this was before the days where people would go to the emergency room with a stuffy nose, so my parents attempted to make a doctor’s appointment on Easter Sunday.

My normal pediatrician had the day off, obviously, and was probably even vacationing on some tropical island but his office (or answering service or someone?) recommended the old school pediatrician in town — Dr. Lothar Candels.

We’d never heard of him but, apparently, for those who’d lived in town since the roads were just dirt paths, this was the family doctor. Yeah, the type that’d make housecalls or be the subject of a Norman Rockwell painting.

So, Dr. Candels agreed to see a non-patient on Easter morning. I’m pretty sure that’s an impossible scenario in 2012.

Anyway, I remember his office being more like barber shop where you’d expect to talk about hunting or fly fishing than a doctor’s office

It was nothing like our regular doctor who had the all white theme going on with the fancy built-in salt water fish tank in the waiting room…

This place smelled funny and old, the floor creaked, and the walls had were covered with dark wood paneling. The waiting room was, well, just an entry way (not that we had to wait — he was the only one there and totally expecting us).

He sounded (and looked) a little like Henry Kissinger. He even pulled stuff out of one of those old black leather doctor bags when he was pressing on my stomach and listening to my lungs.

He wanted me to pee in a cup but not having injested much of anything for 3+ days, well, there wasn’t much to provide there…

In the end, he directed my parents to the hospital and I didn’t return home for two weeks.

Still have the scar to prove it.

So it’s been 27 years since someone last thought I was pretending to be sick…

Which brings me back to the present…

In the wee hours of the morning on March 31st, Henrik, who’d been sent home early from school the day prior, was having a tough time breathing.

I’m still not the type to ever go to the hospital unless I’m missing an appendage but since I’m pretty accustomed to breathing problems (they suck) and Henrik can’t talk yet to explain what he’s feeling we decided not to ride this one out.

My wife took him to our local hospital while I stayed behind and watched Duncan.

Our local hospital admitted that they weren’t exactly set-up for 1 year olds (it was Henrik’s first birthday) so they set-up a middle of the night ambulance ride to the Children’s Hospital in Hartford.

Now, I don’t know about you, but getting to ride in an ambulance on your birthday would be pretty cool.

I’ve never had the opportunity to ride in an ambluance…

Anyway, a stuffed WebKinz horse, a neat-o birthday card, and 5 hours later, they were outta there.

Diagnosis was/is asthma with a hint of pneumonia — it’s all good and made for an exciting birthday.

Henrik

Anyway, while I’m sure my family will continue to be the type that only goes to the doctor un-expectedly when the situation is dire, I’m pretty sure I’ll always think twice before thinking my kids are “faking” it.

They’re still too young now to comprehend the “benefit” of staying home sick so there isn’t any incentive to pretend just yet (though Duncan does ask for a bandaid a little too often) but I’m pretty certain I’ll lean more towards their claims when it undoubtedly occurs.

Happy Easter!

Posted on April 7th, 2012 at 7:12 am by Brainy Smurf
Life | 2 Comments »

Time Marches On

My DadSo it’s now been exactly a year since I last saw my dad. It was November 3rd that he came with us to that creepy 3D ultrasound of the then un-named Henrik. I think he really enjoyed that.

Later that day, he and my mom drove back home to Florida.

Recently a couple of acquaintances have had deaths in the family — both happened to lose their dad — and it got me thinkin’…

One was older than any human being should possibly get and the other had been in and out of a sedative state for months.

In both cases, I heard the news on Facebook.

I like to think that I can relate since my Dad died just last year but I’m finding it really hard to find common ground.

It’s funny, thinking about it now, shortly after my dad died, another friend (that isn’t strictly relegated to Facebook communication) came up to me and gave me the awkward exchange that people typically give you when someone close dies.

The thing is, for him, his dad had died just a couple of months prior (in his 80′s and of cancer) so I kinda thought he was one of the few who knew firsthand how I felt — freshly.

His comment — and his brother’s comment too, “No way, man, yours was way worse. We saw Pops going…”

That kinda stuck with me.

And you know what?

They were wrong.

My family’s loss wasn’t worse.

Sure, in some ways — like the actual loss of a family member — it was exactly the same but the way it happened for us was, well, better.

I think it was better.

We didn’t have a long waiting period.

We didn’t get the chance to ponder when?

We never had to make any hard life-or-death decisions.

It just happened.

Out of the blue.

Sure, it sucks to never have had the chance to say good bye.

The last time I saw my dad, just after that ultrasound appointment, we were out looking for liquid garlic (very tough to find), we discussed not giving the baby-to-come a name that ended in ‘-ie’ or a single syllable name and tested out all kinds of terrible suggestions (none being Henrik, which my dad propably would’ve hated), and complained about how the soda at our local 99 Restaurant tasted musty that day.

The last thing I talked to my dad about, just days before he died, was a free frame replacement on my wife’s Toyota Tacoma. Neither of us are gear heads — what a stupid final conversation.

But if it had been any other way, what would we have said?

I mean, really, what do you say?

Talk about uncomfortably awkward…

There haven’t been a lot of deaths in our family. It’s not that we live forever — it’s just not that big of a family.

I can think of three deaths and technically, only two were ‘real’ relatives and I can only really claim to have ever made a connection to one of them.

The first death was my grandmother in…I think it was in the fall of 1987. I was in 5th grade — that much I’m sure of.

She’d had a heart attack and we made the 9-hour trip to the hospital to go and see her.

She seemed perfectly normal — she gave me a dollar bill to “buy something in the gift shop” as if anything could be had in a hospital gift shop for a dollar. Even in the 80′s… Sheesh…

I still have that dollar, though. Pretty cool too since it wasn’t long after that paper dollars were taken out of circulation in Canada.

Anyway, all seemed well from a 5th grader’s perspective besides the fact that she was in the hospital.

We drove back home and life resumed.

It was about a week later when I had a friend sleeping over that my Dad poked his head in the door and asked if he could talk to me for a sec.

That’d never happened before.

I got up, went out to the hallway and he led me into my parent’s bedroom and said, “Gram died this afternoon.”

I just stood there.

I remember thinking that my dad was really big that day — like, tall and imposing but not in a threatening way — a trait that really isn’t accurate to my dad’s physical stature.

Especially on what I now realize would have been a very very weak day.

I didn’t cry or anything, said I was okay, and just went back to my room, sat down in my red pleather bean bag, and kept on playing Atari (yes, I’m *that* old) with a stunned look on my face the best I could so as not to let my friend in on the news.

I never did get the real story — I’ve always just assumed it was another heart attack.

And speaking of all this, new in next month’s spending report…life insurance premiums!

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

Loosely Related Tangent
Back when I was in university we used to play stupid games like who could stand on one foot the longest, or drink a coke the fasted (way harder to pound a Coke than a beer), hold a hand over a candle closest, or hold your breath the longest. That sorta thing.

One of the variations was who could “bust a tear” first.

One guy used to pull out nose hairs to well up. It certainly worked, but I still beat him every time.

Funny, cause he was an artsci fartsy drama major.

I’d just think about “Gram” telling me to put her dominoes away and my right eye would start to spout.

Takes about 2 seconds.

I’d be really awesome at that game now.

Posted on November 4th, 2011 at 12:32 pm by Brainy Smurf
Life | 1 Comment »

Blue Two Seaters

Impractical Cars
Hmmm… seems that I’ve passed on my propensity for impractical vehicles.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

Posted on September 6th, 2011 at 9:50 pm by Brainy Smurf
Life, Photo, Smurfling | No Comments »

A Comment leads to a Tangent

Henry FordI couldn’t help but chuckle at Grant’s recent comment regarding my issues with the Land Rover.

He said, “Shoulda bought a Ford.”

It’s a tongue-in-cheek reference to a comment that I made on his site back in 2009 where we were both kicking ourselves for not buying a ton of Ford stock back when it was on the brink of worthlessness.

Re-thinking back to that time, and imagining if I had pulled the trigger on buying into Ford like I’d wanted to, what would I have done with it since?

Would have I have wisely sold it for a tidy profit before this most predictable downward trend of the past few weeks?

Or would I still have it in my portfolio?

Well, I’ll tell you… I’d still have it.

Since there’s nothing on television worth watching on Sunday or Monday nights, for the past few weeks I’ve found myself wathing those hoarding shows on A&E and TLC.

Personally, I much prefer the TLC variation of the show. It’s far less confrontational.

Anyway, from watching these shows, I think I’ve somewhat confirmed something that I’ve long suspected anyway.

I have hoarding tendancies.

No, no, I’m not *anything* like the people on the show but I do have a thing for collecting and accumulating things (cough, hockey jerseys, cough, cough) and then being reluctant to ever part with them.

Remember that $30k worth of photography equipment? Yeah, I should have sold the stuff that I no longer used back then for a tidy sum.

A Canon 10D, Canon 1D, and a Canon 1D Mark II aren’t worth nearly as much now — and I’m *still* not using them and have no plans to either.

Still, I’d have a hard time parting with them.

And that’s exactly what would’ve happened with the Ford stock.

Posted on August 20th, 2011 at 8:00 am by Brainy Smurf
Life, Mistakes, Television | 2 Comments »

When I’m 64…

Are those guys related?Four years ago today, I wrote a post about it being my dad’s 60th birthday and how he was able to retire early — well in advance of the big six-O.

He’d have turned 64 today…

If he’d made it to 64.

See, my Dad died last November.

He wasn’t sick.

He wasn’t reckless.

And he wasn’t old, either… but he still died before collecting a single social security check.

Now I know that I won’t be receiving a social security check anyway — the money just won’t be there — but now there’s another thing for me to think about.

Time.

I’m less than 30 years away from 64 myself…

I just hope I can follow in his footsteps and retire early like he did…

As for the second part, well, I really hope I can cut a new path…

Posted on July 15th, 2011 at 7:15 am by Brainy Smurf
Life | No Comments »

Movies: Two Decades your Junior

I read an article today about movies with upcoming sequels that probably shouldn’t have sequels.

The article itself was terrible — you know, just one of those articles with a bunch of single sentence paragraphs.

Oh wait, that’s a perfect description of this place…

Anyway, it referenced the movie Die Hard. I was unaware that another sequel was in the works (apparently one is with Bruce Willis on board) and, from a personal standpoint, they probably should have stopped making Die Hard movies half way through the second one. That’s about where I lost interest in John McClane.

But the original from 1988 is one of those few movies that acts as an anchor when I’m channel surfing.

I mean, there could be less than 10 minutes left until it’s over and I’ll still stop to watch.

It’s that good.

And that got me thinking, will Duncan and Henrik like Die Hard the way I do or will it be one of those “stupid old movies that dad likes…”

I was in 7th grade when Die Hard came out. I’m not certain if I was in the target demographic — probably not — but it certainly stuck with me.

The movie came out 21 years before either of my kids were born. Applying that to myself, can I think of a movie my dad would watch over and over that came out 21 years before I was born? One that I also enjoyed?

Off hand, no.

The first thing that comes to mind for me when I think of 1955 is, sadly, the first Back to the Future movie. Another of my favorites but not really applicable here since it came out in 1985.

A quick google search reveals that Rebel without a Cause came out in 1955. I’ve certainly heard of the movie but I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen it. Don’t recall my dad ever watching it on the couch either.

Marilyn Monroe’s Seven Year Itch came out in 1955 too. I had to watch that movie in high school (for reasons that I can’t recall) and thought it was fairly entertaining.

Can I imagine my dad saying the same thing?

Um, no.

The only old movies that I can think of that would instantaneously get my dad to stop surfing were Ben-Hur (1959), The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966), and Planet of the Apes (1968).

Ben-Hur is pretty close to 1955. That said, I thought it sucked — along with all of the ancient Greek and Roman clone movies that followed. I think my dad just enjoyed any movie that could boast a cast of thousands with a few chariots thrown in.

It wasn’t until my late 20′s that I realized what a great movie The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly truly was even though Clint Eastwood is quite clearly one of the worst actors in history.

I vividly remember in high school rolling my eyes each time I’d catch my dad watching it on a Sunday afternoon, like, every single Sunday afternoon.

Seriously, to this day, I think that movie is on television at least once per week. At least. I catch pieces of it all the time.

Still, though, I can’t claim to have enjoyed that one alongside my dad either.

And who could forget the Planet of the Apes? I couldn’t stand Charlton Heston but I liked this movie and all of it’s sequels right up until Marky Mark and Helena Bonham-Carter ruined the entire franchise a few years back.

Now these were movies that we’d watch together. While I remember the plotline of original the best, I think it was one of the goofy sequels (or the tv series?) where they’re in modern day San Francisco (or some other such place) that I remember most fondly.

Sadly, outside of the original or the Marky Mark remake, you never see these on television.

Eitherway, those movies (the sequels) are only a few years older than I am — not a couple of decades older. They don’t really apply.

So, will my kids treat Die Hard (or Star Wars, or Back to the Future, or The Goonies, or Red Dawn, or Rocky IV, or Space Balls — all 20+ years old now) the same way I treated Ben-Hur?

Man, I *hope* not.

Here’s to hoping Angie is right!

Posted on May 17th, 2011 at 7:50 pm by Brainy Smurf
Life, Movies, Retro | 2 Comments »

Yard Work on a Free Weekend

Okay, so this morning, since it’s finally warm outside in New England, I went outside to do a little lawn work and within 5 minutes or so, it became apparent that I’m still not ready for lawn work just yet.

The answer is yes, it hurts.

I just can’t believe that it took less than 5 minutes to tear a hole in myself…so I guess it’s good that my primary job is behind a computer screen.

I know, I know — it’s a tiny blister.

I’ve had far worse but this one is in just the WRONG place. I’m telling you, it’s worse than it looks.

Anyway, I thought I’d expand a bit on Friday’s post about Smurfling 2.

Duncan’s new little brother is named Henrik.

Say what?

Well, it wasn’t that long ago that I mentioned that we were partial to “weird (by North American standards) Dutch or Scandanavian names” and Henrik certainly fits that criteria.

Since “announcing” the birth, we’ve heard all kinds of comments regarding the name…

Most are convinced that he’s named after a hockey player since I’m Canadian and that automatically makes us fans of the sport — Sedin, Zetterberg, or Lundqvist.

Maybe, but not really. None of those guys are Canadian or play for our favorite team.

Or maybe since I’m a nerd, it’s paying homage to Niels Bohr? His middle name was Henrik.

Amazingly, I knew that his middle name was Henrik but I’m not enough of a nerd to name my children after turn of the century physicists.

We’ve even been told that Henrik is the name of one of the major characters in the “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo“.

Thankfully he’s a good guy, apparently. Not surprisingly, though, I’d never even heard of the book (or movie) until after the fact. Even still, I’ll likely never read it.

Or… since we’ve got a super German last name, we wanted to go all Nazi and name him after SS leader Heinrich Himmler.

Um, no. That would be insane — though it certainly led us to steer clear of that spelling and pretty much every single other German first name.

In reality, though, I think it was more of a Henry Ford type of thing that my wife and I agreed on — but all of those baby name books out there right now list Henry as one of the “uber-popular” names for the next few years.

With that in mind, and the memory of having 12 Jennifers in my class during the third grade (one even permanently switched to her middle name of Neel for 4th grade), I wanted to avoid a similar situation.

Unable to think of something better than Henry (which we still agreed on), we went Scandinavian on it — some folks still look at us like we made it up.

Then again, those are the same folks that thought the name Duncan was spelled wrong too.

Damn you Dunkin Donuts…

Posted on May 1st, 2011 at 7:23 pm by Brainy Smurf
Life, Smurfling | 1 Comment »

Some Long Overdue News!

Where’ve I been?

Seriously, it’s like I’d just up and quit this whole PIAC thing…

Not true — I am far behind on keeping everyone informed on my financial status and, yeah, some of that is by design. I’m embarrassed.

No worries, I’ll spill the beans before too long. It’s been a rough couple of months on the financial side of things.

But I also though I should let you all know that back on March 31st, we added another smurfling and officially joined the two-under-two club. Pretty exciting stuff.

Two-Under-Two

Posted on April 29th, 2011 at 8:51 pm by Brainy Smurf
Blogging?, Life, Smurfling | 7 Comments »